Okay, so here's the deal. You show up soon or I'm gone and you miss out on the score of the century.
I've been waiting since I was a little girl for some dashing prince to ride up on his white horse and save my ass. Hell, I even grew my hair just in case you may need to climb through my window Rapunzel style. Yet here I am, almost 25 and looking at sperm donation so I can have children before my eggs shrivel up...and you are nowhere to be seen. If I end up pregnant to my gay best friend via a turkey baster and then you show up,I'm going to kick your scrawny butt to Kingdom come.
You've got 5 years !
You'd better look like Colin Firth too...none of this blue blooded big eared inbred B.S or else I'm going to send you back to your magical kingdom in a galaxy far far away and ask for a refund.
You haven't shown up at any major crisis or turning point in my life either like the books suggested...like when I had that awful boyfriend with the awful er, personality,when I decided to go brunette, or even the time I ate 6 Darrell Lea Nougat Christmas puddings in a week.
I'm foxy, Prince Charming and I've been putting all of the energy I would have been putting into a boyfriend into my hair and learning to be a better baker.
I make wicked pods. They might not have those where you come from...hell all the more reason for you to rock up here.
Get on your horse and hurry the hell on and save me.
You should get an iphone- my friend Matt has one and he found his way to my house one day no worries at all- and on foot ! If you've got a horse it should be a breeze!
Yours truly,
Your damsel not entirely in distress at the moment but if I continue to be celibate much longer I'll be in more than a little distress if you know what I mean xo
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